Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Life as a Video Game

This is a cold, hard fact of life, "life does not have a reset button." But, what if it did? Think about it. What if the things that could be done in video games, could also be done in reality. Here are just a few noticeable differences you might encounter...

The Save Game (ie: Reset Button). You gotta love the fact that you can revert any mistakes, bad judgment calls, and/or any other social missteps you might make. Just reload your last conveniently saved state and you're ready to make things right all over again. Don't get me wrong, you're definitely learning from your personal mistakes, you just don't need to spend so much time making up for them anymore. And now that the fear of bad decisions no longer exists, you can be more free to be bolder and more creative with how you tackle things. Go nuts! Thank God for the reset button! Just don't overwrite the wrong slot, or you'll end up starting from the very beginning...well, enjoy high school again!

Just Pause It. Need a break from life? Want a little extra "me" time? Well then, pause it. Don't worry, we'll all be here when you get back from whatever it is you wanna do. You can have your own personal monologue while the world stands still, a la Zack Morris style! Just remember to say "Time in!"

Extra Lives (ie: The 1Up). As long as you've got some spare lives, be reckless and live a little. It ain't game over 'til you run out of continues. If all else fails, just reload.

Victory Dances. Why let awkward dancing become reserved for dark, crowded night clubs and moments of drunken bliss? Show the world like a bad "So you think you can dance" reject audition. Anytime you win a battle, whether it be an argument with your five year old cousin, or the moment your boss remembers your name. Be proud and dance like your victory fanfare is playing in the background.

Special Moves. Why do everything with a normal effort and technique all the time? Once in a while, when it's really necessary, bust out the big guns and show off your special move. Just make sure you have enough energy/mana/stamina, otherwise it's cookie cutter sales pitches and average joe love making from here on out.

Keep the Change. Never will you have to worry about using fractions of a dollar ever again. All monetary transactions can be made using the primary currency unit. And marvel at the bottomless pit that is your wallet. No matter how much money you end of carrying around with you, it will never take up anymore than a trivial amount of space. Now go buy some clothes. I hear Gap jeans give a +5 to invisibilty. Don't worry, you'll blend right in! And if you're getting low on cash, look around. Any random animal ought to have some sort of sellable items on hand...once you dispose of it first.

Carefully Read the Dialog Trees. If your speech isn't strung together in an uncontrollable linear fashion, then you must have a dialog tree of speech options available. Just be sure to consider every multiple-choice verbal exchange carefully. But hey, look on the bright side. At least you know you have a 20 or 30 percent chance of saying exactly the right thing. Do try and avoid any infinite loops though. It's terribly embarrassing to get stuck in one of those, for both parties. And remember, you can only talk to one person a time now.

Movement is Relative. Don't be surprised if you can only walk in 8, 6, or even 4 different directions. Are you really saving that much time by walking north-northwest anyway? And if you're being chased and you need to lose 'em, try entering a different room. That usually works!

That's all the "what-ifs" I've got for now. But don't worry. I have a movie/tv version for the future. I mean wouldn't it suck if you found out your life was a series of bad sequels and prequels?

6 comments:

thao-thao said...

Just pause it, D.I! Can such a foot explore when it has only sit to play, and not get up to live? My advice: Exercise the pause button (i.e when she calls) or you'll lose and the game's over! Hehehe. Don't say I didn't warn you (*_~). Once love crash, the only game you'll be playing is "half-life" no matter how high a score. Hehehe. Just kidding. But don't worry, baby, there's a full life to live after the video game crash :) Hehehe.
- your biggest fan!

Anonymous said...

if i were in a video game, i'd want to be in 'Hot Coffee' all day everyday. =D

afroninja said...

garret i thought you died!!! well, i would want to travel for free on my very own airship. plus i would feel free to roam and land as i please since i know i am the only thing in the sky....including birds!!

afroninja said...

oh btw, this is mat. haha

Falconbob said...

You seem to think that the reset button could only be used to right wrongs. But really, if I hate the power to save and redo, I'd just save before something great was about to happen, great sex or going on that rollercoaster or right after you hit that game-winning shot, and just replay the good moments in a Groundhog Day-esque loop. Except awesome.

Warstars said...

I agree...The Reset button would be good for reliving great moments over again. This is assuming you reenact the scene in the exact same positive way though. I suppose you could use extra save slots to experience a favorite scene, much like you can in most games today...just make sure you keep a current save to return to. =)